The Sad & The Angry

Its been a very scary and angry time in my life. Maybe it just comes with the territory when you hit your 40s.

The Angry: T has really been testing her boundries. Her lack of turning in her homework has dropped her almost straight A's into all B's and a C. For Honor Society, she's on probation b/c her GPA dropped last quarter. The way it looks now, she'll be kicked out b/c she couldn't get a 3.5 this quarter. The reason this really fucking pisses me off is that she'll have high A's on all of her grades and then an F for not turing in her work. STUPID shit. What the fuck is the damn problem?? So, we've had to come down pretty damn hard on her. I have to admit that I almost wish I could cuss her out, but I still don't think it would do any good. Then tonight, she was told to get onto her math homework. Did she?????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! When asked about it, she just mumbled and said "Sorry". Like that shit is really gonna cut it. So, we took the keyboard out of her room. Next time she does it, I'm taking her blue gorilla (the one she won at the fair.) I'm not sure what it is gonna take.

The Sad: We just found out that D's boss has Stage 4 cancer. About 2 weeks ago he went into the hospital and he called to let them know that he had a brain tumor. Then on Monday, D found out that the boss has liver cancer and somehow it got to his brain. From what D said, the prognosis is mixed. Not great, but better than what it could be. What makes this even more terrible, is that they lost another co-worker about a month ago b/c she had a brain tumor. And my friend J has breast cancer. God, its everywhere.

When I think of the problems that some people have, I realize that dealing with Taylor is not a big deal. In some ways I feel guilty for getting angry with her. You never know what Life will be dealing you and you shouldn't spend your time being angry. But on the other hand, she needs to learn these life lessons. I just get so turned around not knowing how to handle it all.

Scary, scary.

Project Runway

Project Runway...its my favorite show. How totally unexpected that statement is. I am so not into fashion, but I do love this show. And finally a season where I can see why the remaining designers are still there.

Laura & Michael did great jobs tonight. However, I must admit that Michael is my fave. He reminds me of Daniel Vosovic. Very quiet and in the middle in the beginning of the contest. But coming on strong towards the end. I hope, hope, hope, hope he makes it into the final three. The good thing is that if things go according to previous seasons, he'll at least have a collection to show during Fashion week.

I was so very sad to see Kayne go tonight. I would have liked to see a collection from him. I wish Jeffrey would have been *out* tonight. There's not been a lot of his that I have liked. I'm not surprised it was Kayne tonight, just saddened.

My final three hopes are: Michael, Laura, & Uli. Good luck guys!

Happy Mother Fucking Birthday to Me

Yes, here I am. Its my 41st birthday and I've spent the day feeling sorry for myself. In the large scheme of things, I really shouldn't be. I do have it so much better than most. But, still. Here I am. Wallowing in my self pity.

Why?? My mother fucking shit head for a husband so graciously forgot my b'day. He was even home all day...working from home. Not one fucking word from him. I got happy B'days from everyone else BUT him. Hell, what did I expect??? He's forgotten me on Mother's day...why not today as well??

Oh wait. He did come in after the girls and I came in from girl scouts and having dinner without him and say he forgot to tell me. He says I'm sorry. No hug. NO NOTHING. I say ok. Then he looks at me like I'm the one that fucked up. And he sits outside still fucking working. He's said nothing else to me since then.

Calgon. Take me away.

My Celtic Horoscope

You Are A Weeping Willow Tree

You are a dreamer, and you're into almost any kind of escapism. Restless and capricious, you love to travel to exotic places. You are easily influenced by others, as long as they don't pressure you. You tend to suffer in love until you find that one loyal, steadfast partner. An empathetic friend, you love to make others smile and laugh.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

The Good, the Bad, the What the Fuck

I'm sitting here not knowing whether to jump up and down for joy or to throw a temper tantrum. (A little bit of both is probably what I really need to do)

The Good: In the past 10 days, I have worked out 8 times. (Go me!) The most fun was the kickboxing I did with my trainer on Monday. I'm still a tiny bit sore, but man, did I love punching that bag. I didn't work out so very hard tonight. I am still in the recovery period of taking my migraine meds and I had a very late dinner. But, I did go in and ride the bike for about 20 min. Nothing serious. But not sitting on my ass either.

The Bad: Taylor is driving me fucking nuts. Tonight I find out that she this past week she made a 68 and a 60 in her social studies class. Then she made a 51 on her algebra quiz. And the pisser of it is that the majority of this is not b/c she can't do the work, but b/c she won't do the work. I take things like her music/computer time/phone time from her and it doesn't bother her a bit. I'm just tired of this shit. I just can't figure out if its b/c she's so much like Dave or so much like me.

The What the Fuck: Ok, so I haven't heard back from David in FL. Am I surprised? Well, yeah, kinda. Ya know. I've hung around a lot of guys. Most of the time I expect them to behave in a certain way. And I try to give them leeway to behave in those weird guys ways that really don't make sense to me, but I know they do it anyway. So I give David my email. Saying...here's how to contact me. If he contacts me, great. If not, well, he either lost it by accident or on purpose. Either situation is HIGHLY possible. And I EXPECT either situation. What I don't expect, is for him to go, *hey, let me email you now while I'm on the phone with you.* And then not answer either of the 2 emails I send him. What the fuck is up with that? Hell, I dont' know. Must be the damn man in him.

Oh well. It was good to spark up the imagination again. And I really would have liked to have kept in touch. I am a little disappointed. I can't help but be disappointed since my fantasies were crushed like a pop can in a recycling bin.

Guess I gotta go find some other fantasy to fill my head with.

Workin' Out

Woo hoo!! Day #4 for my workout!! Tonight was the toughest yet! 20 minutes (over 3 miles!) on the bike AND 1 hour in the water aerobics class. PLUS tonight I signed up with a personal trainer. MA and I are going to share our trainer. Instead of paying $99 for a personalized program and 3 work-out times, we can share each others time and now we get 6 work-out days with the trainer! We shall see how this works out.

Tonight we are also bracing for Tropical Storm Ernesto. I had concerns about this storm early on. Then I began to relax just a bit. But after I came home from the gym, I saw something quite unusual. In the corner of our porch, I saw a bird perched on the small over hang over in the corner. His head was tucked in away from the elements. How odd. With animals' strong sense of what's going on around them, I wonder how bad it might get. Give it a few more hours and we shall see.

Life is good and bad

I'm in a battle of mixed emotions. I'm feeling great b/c I've actually exercised for the past 3 days. I'm feeling really good phsically. We did the official joining of the health club tonight. Now to keep up the good work.

On the other hand, I've been really,....I'm not sure what word I'm looking for, I keep thinking discombobulated...In the past few weeks, I've heard a friend has breast cancer, my daughter's school had a bomb threat called in, a small boy in a nearby neighborhood was killed, my car engine light came on, and then today, I was in the library when the man I subbed for last week found out his brother-in-law had just died in an auto accident, there was a shooting at a high school less than an hour away, and we've got the potential of hurricane weather coming our way. I'm afraid of what else might be up the road. Its just been a heavy duty time.

I'm so thankful I have my family and my friends. I'm just so thankful to be here.